Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize