She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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