I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Holy sore nipples Batman
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
