ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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