What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
MIDGETS
????
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
