I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
