Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
