If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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