so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
