i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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