so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
