i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
