I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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