There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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