life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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