dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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