been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
