this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
