i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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