your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
