you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a beard to bite.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
