I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
