The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize