we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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