Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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