Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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