my soul wont recognize me after tonight
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
