no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
