I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
time to smoke my breakfast
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize