Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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