He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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