im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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