Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She bit a glass in half.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
