I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
