he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
