check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
