Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize