So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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