and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
