Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
