Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
