i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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