just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
