Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
