His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
