I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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