your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
