i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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