Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
