I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
