So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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