May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
