I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
