The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
handjob tips. give me some.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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