I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
