dude i'm inner monologue high
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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