After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
