ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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