Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
