bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
