Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize