I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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