she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
