Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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