woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
