bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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