Your tits are I can't wait for
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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