my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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