The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
