But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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