I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
