I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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