i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
