she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
